The Mortetti's guide to Galaxy

" Yeah Yeah " came Ushers' voice out of the blaring speakers . I walked in,step by step ,feeling the air like a movie star minus the tuxedo.The bar was not all that bad.People were proving why mankind is the most desperate of the lot.The lucky ones danced with the chicks and the unlucky ones with the ones with fewer holes.

Assoles they say put their hands up in the air and announce their presence .The room was filled with plenty of those(no pun intended).Black people with white chicks,white with brown , brown with brown . The place was a racists' haven.I started my search.To put it in Paulo Coehlo's words I was looking for the 'light' on any girl.

The fragrance of hers filled up my nostrills leaving me craving for more.As she whizzed past me,her hair's tantalizing aroma just jolted the little Romeo inside me from his long slumber.My visit to neverland was cut short with the smell of dead pigs (I realized Parekh might have just entered the bar or the street . )

Don Juan De Marco might not have been really proud of me.For I rehearsed lines to ask a prostitute out for bed.Forgive me Don Juan.I finally went next to her , smelt her again and realized that the smell must have been the neighbouring lady's.I had seen a fair share of Hollywood movies to know what exactly to do now.But before I could separate my lips to let out a few words . " Are you gonna ask me , whether I can buy you a drink or shall I take it for granted " she said. "Thanks.What shall I get you ? " .(This place was literally a sty.All they had was local stuff.Hollywood movies misguided you in some cases.)

"I am Mike" I said feeling like a porn star shooting for his next hunt." Jessy" came the reply. Avoiding any more hackneyed phrases and lines I went to the 'job' part of the deal . " Mine or do you have something in mind ? " "Yours....."

We entered my apartment through the creaking door and all the mice stopped playing hide and seek and set out for their holes.I could almost hear them cursing.Sorry guys,it is my night today.I took her to the bed,not the most romantic of the lot."Wham Bham Thank you maam" didnt' deserve much more than this.


half an hour later....

I picked up my sheets and slowly turned to the other side . I had lasted more than eleven minutes(Fuck you Paulo Coehlo). End of days had come 200 years earlier.

"Amazing" I said.

"Come again"came the reply.

"Hold on for two more hours , and I will " I said pulling the sheets closer.

" Oh really?How sweet" replied Jessy.(Salty rather)

Jessy was a hot name. I dont' know how names are hot.But they kind of ring a bell in you.Ring THE bell. Jessy Alba,Jessy Jane. Pretty hot names uh?

and just in case I didnt' mention she fell in that category.

Puffs of green smoke and we are back!!!!

Green Fairy is the closest thing to heaven on earth,except a nude Megan fox of course . What did all the religious texts preach? Multiply Happiness.Precisely what I did. Juhu beach needed some entertainment and it could do pretty well with some drugged mumbaikars.

The one thing about them is however drugged they are , they bathe regularly.Gujjus dont'. Lessons learnt hard tend to stay on forever. Parekh was my assistant in the business and he was as dumb as a stick .In short he was a complete package of stupidness wrapped in a really fat Seth body.God must have spent considerable time creating this one,because he was as dumb as Britney spears and as irritating as Ricky Ponting.. I was pretty sure a retarded cockroach could outwit him.But nothing,I stress nothing can beat his stench.Even my unwashed toilet pan couldn't.

We found an arcane location to put ourselves up along with the leaves and we smoked up all night long till my brains worked slower than a Pentium 1 machine. We generally hit the road at around 3pm - 4 pm when the crowd starts moving in gradually into Juhu . We used the Ville Parle entrance(it had less of police) and hung around till we spotted people who bought the stuff.

And things were on cruise mode till.......